Nobody Owes You or Your Child a Living — Why Parents Must Fight for Their Child With Autism in School

11/17/20253 min read

Let’s be brutally honest for a second.
If you’re a parent or caregiver of a child on the autism spectrum in Singapore, you already know this: nothing is handed to you. Nothing is automatic. And definitely—nobody is going to fight harder for your child than you.

This sounds harsh, but it’s the truth many of us only realise after our child enters the school system. In Singapore, there’s no formal IEP (Individualised Education Plan) like what you see in the US or Australia. There’s no legal requirement for personalised support. Some schools do their best, some teachers go above and beyond… but as a system? Let’s just say—it’s not built with neurodiversity in mind.

So what does that mean for us?
It means the onus is on us, the parents and caregivers, to step up. To push. To advocate. To be that annoying parent if necessary. Because if we don’t, nobody else will.

Step 1: Accept the Reality (Quickly)

The faster you accept that you will need to actively fight for your child, the sooner you can get your strategy going. It’s like playing a game where the rules weren’t made for kids like ours—but once you understand the rules, you can manoeuvre better.

So sit with the truth:

  • The system isn’t perfect.

  • Teachers are often overwhelmed.

  • Support varies from school to school.

  • You WILL have to speak up.

  • And yes… you WILL have to repeat yourself a hundred times.

Once you accept this, you stop waiting for miracles and start planning.

Step 2: Get Very Clear on What Your Child Needs

Before going to the school, you need your own “IEP”—even if it’s just a document you created at home.
Ask yourself:

  • What triggers my child?

  • What helps them calm down?

  • How do they learn best?

  • What accommodations would actually work in a classroom?

If you’re not clear, the school won’t magically figure it out. You must become the expert on your child.

Write it down. Organise it. Make it simple enough for a busy teacher to understand.

Step 3: Communicate, Don’t Assume

One of the biggest things parents forget: schools don’t see what you see at home. They may not recognise the subtle signs of sensory overload or anxiety. They don’t know your child’s history. And they definitely don’t know the “behind the scenes” of meltdowns, shutdowns, and coping strategies.

This is why communication is EVERYTHING.

Tell them:

  • The truth about your child. Be upfront about your child's condition.

  • What works

  • What doesn’t

  • What behaviours might show up

  • What support the child actually needs

Share resources. Share strategies. Share examples.

Don’t assume they know.
Don’t assume they remember.
And don’t assume they will follow through unless you follow up.

Step 4: Build Relationships, Not Battles

Now, fighting for your child doesn’t mean shouting at every teacher in sight. You don’t want to be “that parent” — the one they roll their eyes at when they see coming.

Instead, aim to build Respectful Partnerships. I cannot emphasize this enough!

Approach teachers with empathy. They’re juggling 30–40 kids, admin deadlines, and national exams. Sometimes they WANT to help, but they just don’t know how or they are bogged down with a lot of other constraints. Remember, your child is not the only one under their charge. They also have to manage the rest of the children and to answer to their parents as well.

Use “we” more than “you”:

  • “How can we support him better in class?”

  • “What can we try together next week?”

When they see you’re reasonable, they’re more willing to go the extra mile.

Step 5: Don’t Be Afraid to Escalate (When Needed)

But let’s be clear: partnership does not mean silence.

If things aren’t working… escalate.
If your child is struggling… escalate.
If no one is listening… escalate.

Talk to:

  • The form teacher

  • The allied educator (if any)

  • The HOD

  • The school counsellor

  • The VP

  • The Principal

You are NOT “difficult” for doing this. You’re a parent doing your job.

Step 6: Build Your Own Support Ecosystem

Schools are just one part of the puzzle. You may also need:

  • Therapists

  • Psychologists

  • Coaches

  • Support groups

  • Other parents who “get it”

  • Online resources

  • Alternative learning strategies

Nobody is going to build this ecosystem for you.
You build it. Piece by piece.

Final Truth: You Are the Strategy

At the end of the day, the school can support, but you are the advocate. You are the planner. You are the voice your child doesn’t yet have.

Singapore may not have formal IEPs, but that doesn’t stop you from making one, sharing it, refining it, and insisting your child is seen for who they are—not just their behaviour or their exam scores.

Yes, it’s tiring.
Yes, it’s unfair.
But your child deserves someone who will walk through fire for them.

And that someone… is you.